Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Buy Now, Pay... Forever
I used to think of myself as smart. Not a genius, mind you, but smart. I could operate an electric can opener by the time I was eight (I don't mean to brag), answer at least four questions each night on Jeopardy, and, if I could keep him from cheating, beat my dog at chess three games out of four. Yes, with--or should I say in--my mind, I was not one to be taken lightly.
But something happened to me after graduation. I must've been overly confident when I finished high school with my C average because I never saw it coming. "It" was credit.
My first foray into credit was at a furniture store. I needed a new couch and love seat. I wanted a new couch because the one I had was lumpy and worn and had perverted springs that always seemed to find their way into places a nice spring would never go. And I needed a love seat because I intended to have a girlfriend someday and would need a place to sit with her.
I drove by a furniture store one day and noticed a huge sign in the window. I circled the block, pulled into the parking lot, and read their sign a couple of times to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw. Their sign said, "Buy Now, Pay Later!" Now, I had always been kind to those who were less fortunate than myself, especially in the area of intelligence, but business was business. If a business wants to let me have something now and isn't going to expect me to pay for it until later they deserve to be taken advantage of. Their lack of forsight would be my gain.
Inside the store, I was overwhelmed by the selection. There were all sorts of couches in varying styles, colors, and sizes, most of which had floral patterns. Of course, being a single guy, there was no way I was going to buy anything with flowers, not bed sheets (mine had cowboys and indians), not paper towels, not deodorant (at least not again)*. So I asked the saleswoman to see the men's couches. I don't know where they got this particular salesperson. I suspect she was a hearing impared, high school dropout relative of the store owner because she asked me to repeat myself and then stared at me blankly when I asked where the couches were with rocket, sports paraphinalia, or race car patterns. She assured me that they didn't have any like that, but that she was sure she could find something I'd like.
She showed me all around the showroom, making comments about the style, pattern, and fabric of assorted living room sets. We finally ended up at an expensive, overstuffed, white leather couch and love seat set at the center of the showroom floor. I had already picked out a nice orange couch with a paisley print (since they didn't have rockets and such), but when she told me that this set was her favorite, and the favorite of most of the women who bought furniture there, I reconsidered. I watched her as she sank deep into the couch with a sigh. Then she patted the seat next to her and invited me to try it out. It was at this point that I realized that she was flirting with me.
It was also at this point that my logic began to kick in. Sure the couch was expensive, but women liked it. And she liked it. For a hearing impaired, high school dropout, the salesgirl was cute. I reasoned (smart guy that I was) that if I had this couch, I could ask her out, and, as my girlfriend, she could sit on the couch whenever she wanted. Besides, if I didn't have to pay for it right away, how could I lose?
I sat on the couch next to her and it was like sitting on a cloud. I had never sat on a cloud before. I told her I'd take it.
The contract I signed indicated that I wouldn't have to make my first payment until six months later, and then, at the payments I could afford, I'd be through paying for it in five years. I wanted to stretch it to 20, but she said the store couldn't carry the contract that long. But it was worth it. As I signed the contract, I invited her to my place for dinner once the couch, love seat, automan, and end tables arrived. Since I didn't have to start paying on the couch and love seat for another six months, I figured I could afford to have her over for pizza. She said that dating clients was against company policy and then said something under her breath that sounded something like, "Thank goodness," although I'm sure that wasn't it. You know how large showrooms distort sounds.
Anyway, I did get a new couch and the love seat I "needed." Unfortunately, I also got introduced to the slick world of credit. And I've never come out on top when I've entered into a "Buy Now, Pay Later" deal. Like I said, "I used to think of myself as smart."
*Note: Just because they say it's strong enough for a man doesn't mean it's actually made for men.
But something happened to me after graduation. I must've been overly confident when I finished high school with my C average because I never saw it coming. "It" was credit.
My first foray into credit was at a furniture store. I needed a new couch and love seat. I wanted a new couch because the one I had was lumpy and worn and had perverted springs that always seemed to find their way into places a nice spring would never go. And I needed a love seat because I intended to have a girlfriend someday and would need a place to sit with her.
I drove by a furniture store one day and noticed a huge sign in the window. I circled the block, pulled into the parking lot, and read their sign a couple of times to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw. Their sign said, "Buy Now, Pay Later!" Now, I had always been kind to those who were less fortunate than myself, especially in the area of intelligence, but business was business. If a business wants to let me have something now and isn't going to expect me to pay for it until later they deserve to be taken advantage of. Their lack of forsight would be my gain.
Inside the store, I was overwhelmed by the selection. There were all sorts of couches in varying styles, colors, and sizes, most of which had floral patterns. Of course, being a single guy, there was no way I was going to buy anything with flowers, not bed sheets (mine had cowboys and indians), not paper towels, not deodorant (at least not again)*. So I asked the saleswoman to see the men's couches. I don't know where they got this particular salesperson. I suspect she was a hearing impared, high school dropout relative of the store owner because she asked me to repeat myself and then stared at me blankly when I asked where the couches were with rocket, sports paraphinalia, or race car patterns. She assured me that they didn't have any like that, but that she was sure she could find something I'd like.
She showed me all around the showroom, making comments about the style, pattern, and fabric of assorted living room sets. We finally ended up at an expensive, overstuffed, white leather couch and love seat set at the center of the showroom floor. I had already picked out a nice orange couch with a paisley print (since they didn't have rockets and such), but when she told me that this set was her favorite, and the favorite of most of the women who bought furniture there, I reconsidered. I watched her as she sank deep into the couch with a sigh. Then she patted the seat next to her and invited me to try it out. It was at this point that I realized that she was flirting with me.
It was also at this point that my logic began to kick in. Sure the couch was expensive, but women liked it. And she liked it. For a hearing impaired, high school dropout, the salesgirl was cute. I reasoned (smart guy that I was) that if I had this couch, I could ask her out, and, as my girlfriend, she could sit on the couch whenever she wanted. Besides, if I didn't have to pay for it right away, how could I lose?
I sat on the couch next to her and it was like sitting on a cloud. I had never sat on a cloud before. I told her I'd take it.
The contract I signed indicated that I wouldn't have to make my first payment until six months later, and then, at the payments I could afford, I'd be through paying for it in five years. I wanted to stretch it to 20, but she said the store couldn't carry the contract that long. But it was worth it. As I signed the contract, I invited her to my place for dinner once the couch, love seat, automan, and end tables arrived. Since I didn't have to start paying on the couch and love seat for another six months, I figured I could afford to have her over for pizza. She said that dating clients was against company policy and then said something under her breath that sounded something like, "Thank goodness," although I'm sure that wasn't it. You know how large showrooms distort sounds.
Anyway, I did get a new couch and the love seat I "needed." Unfortunately, I also got introduced to the slick world of credit. And I've never come out on top when I've entered into a "Buy Now, Pay Later" deal. Like I said, "I used to think of myself as smart."
*Note: Just because they say it's strong enough for a man doesn't mean it's actually made for men.
Labels: credit
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